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It has been a while, maybe too much since I last painted. Normally
when I get the need to paint my hands get restless, the only thing I can
compare it to is when you wake up in the middle of the night and you need to
drink, your throat is so dry it feels like you are about to swallow your
tongue.
For some strange reason I haven't felt
this way in a while; normally when it has happened before it was a sign
that something was wrong in my life, something missing, something that
required a change, something that I needed to do but maybe I was too scared of
doing.
Lots of things have happened recently,
not necessarily good things, I had to cope with things that go completely
against my person and my understanding. Maybe is because I had to behave in a
way that is not mine that I have being feeling drained, if it makes sense. I
thought I transform this feeling into art, as I would have normally done in the
past, so I grabbed a canvas yesterday, converted my kitchen counter into a mini
work shop and I just started to drop some colour here&there. It felt good,
I was excited again..then I don't know what happened, I lost it! The connection
between me&the canvas was gone! I felt devastated, it just wasn't working.
Like when you think you have found the man of your life but you catch him
cheating on you possibly in your bed! I just lost it..I lost myself.. I
felt so bad, so empty..I threw it in the bin, how sad is that? That made
me feel even worse, where am I? I lost it..or I just lost myself?
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